Warden of Hogwarts
by vilyasthrall
Summary: Irritated by Ron, Hermione reveals the truth Filch's job that anyone with half a brain could find in 'Hogwarts, a History'. One-shot, What-if.
_A/N: A thought that came to me after reading several posts speculating about why Filch was kept as caretaker by Dumbledore when the House Elves could fulfil this role for more effectively: what if what Rowling shows us is only one part of his duties?_

 _Disclaimer: J K Rowling, Warner Bros and other copyright holders own Harry Potter and other characters and setting. I do not, unfortunately._

 _Takes place during PoA, is an AU, and is partially inspired by Ozma's delightful "Squib" series._

"What does Filch do, exactly?" Ron asked.

"You know what he does, Ron," Hermione said with a grunt as she crossed out one of his sentences particularly suspiciously.

"He mops the floor and cleans and moans at us," Ron said. "Nothing else."

"And?"

Ron stared at her "That's what I was asking you," he said. "I mean, the house elves do all of that, except the moaning, and Snape makes up for that."

"Professor Snape."

"And," Ron continued, "he can't even do magic. You know that he's a squib. The house-elves are better at cleaning than him! Malfoy would be, if McGonagall made him!"

Hermione sighed and pushed the parchment away. "When are you going to read _Hogwarts: A History_?" she asked, clearly exasperated. "Caretakers at Hogwarts aren't just there to clean up."

"They aren't?"

"No!" Hermione said. "Next you'll be saying that Hagrid's just the school groundskeeper."

Ron paused, scratching his nose. "He is," he said eventually. "Isn't he?"

"Ronald! Why can't you just read the book?" Hermione turned to the other member of their group, who was pouring over his own transfiguration homework. "Harry Potter, help me now!"

Harry looked up, eyes darting around the Common Room much like a startled bird. "Uh," he said, "Hagrid. Isn't he the Keeper of the Keys or something? That's how he introduced himself when I met him. I need to-"

"Exactly," Hermione said, settling back slightly. "Thank you, Harry."

Resigned to supporting this particular conversation since the pair weren't actively at each other's throats over Crookshanks for once, Harry cleared him throat: "Uh, right. But… it doesn't tell me what Filch is either, Hermione. Sorry."

Hermione tapped a rather mangled quill that she'd obviously appropriated from Ron against her own Potions homework. "He is the Caretaker and Warden of the Castle, Harry."

"Warden?" Ron said, choking. "Like a prison warden, in Azkaban? Like the Dementors?"

"Warden like protector," she said, now picking distastefully at the clumps of chewed keratin at the end of the quill. It was never a good sign when Hermione refused to look at you, Harry mused. "It's a bit vague, but I got the impression that… the Warden leads Hogwarts into battle."

Ron snorted. "Filch in charge?" he said derisively. "Can you imagine that?"

"Hogwarts," Harry said slowly, as if he was testing the sound of the word. "Like, the teachers and students. Even Dumbledore?"

"No, Harry," Hermione said patiently while shooting rather annoyed looks at Ron. "Hogwarts, like the castle. All the statues and suits of armour and pictures."

"Isn't he a squib?"

"Muggles can use enchanted objects too," Hermione reminded him with an unnecessarily challenging edge "My parents tried out a self-stirring cauldron last summer." Harry nodded, privately wondering whether it would be worth getting the twins to get him some of the sweets they tested on Ron to slip Dudley.

"So," Harry said slowly, shaking both those delightful thoughts and his normal irritation at Hermione's attitude off, "he's like the Headmaster of the building? Even though he has to act like a school caretaker."

"I think so."

"Weird," Ron said.

Harry's face split into a smile. "That's kind of cool, actually," he said. He would never have thought he'd say it when he first ran from the curmudgeonly old man, but that actually made a lot of his actions make sense; no wonder Filch wanted students to show him respect.


End file.
